Cupcakes

"Oh my God, I made it to Grand Central Station!" I sent this message to him along with a picture. "Look!"

"Good, I'm glad you finally made it..! Did you find your friend?"

"No...! He sent these instructions that I couldn't make any sense of... and... there are so many people here!! And... coming to New York from there is such a culture shock!! Gaaahhh!!!"

"No, the two places are EXACTLY the same. I don't know what you are talking about." He replied sarcastically.

"And then... and then... I got distracted by cupcakes....!!"

"Haha, what's with you and cupcakes?" He laughed.

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I am actually not quite sure where my fascination with cupcakes began. I don't remember liking sweets that much; not before I went to Japan, and certainly not after, since I got accustomed to Japanese cheesecake and desserts. Even as I grew up, when eating cheesecake was the "hip" thing to do, I never really got into it. I don't think I've ever looked at cake and thought - I need it now.

But somehow, that day, I just stumbled across this little cafe that sold cupcakes. It was cold, and I've been wandering around aimlessly for a while. I just wanted to find a place where I can sit quietly, stare into space, drink some coffee, and scribble some thoughts into my journal.  This place has such cute decor, I thought. Perfect place to write my fairy tale.

I walked in and sat at the most princess-y corner I could find - Yes, Japan has turned me from a tom boy to a girly-girl. I headed over to the counter and saw all these different cupcakes. The only word I recognized from the past few days of staying there was coffee, so that's the one I chose. And I thought, it would probably go well with, well, a cup of coffee.

I hid in the corner with that cupcake and my coffee. My eyes were tired from tears rolling down my face uncontrollably all morning. I realized at that point that I had no appetite. I didn't even want to move. I was flatlined.

Then, I took a bite. It was so sweet.

The sweetness covered up the saltiness of my tears, and the bitterness in my heart. At least, for that short while.

I took another bite. And between my tears, I would smile just a bit. Just enough to make me think of all the fun times I had on this trip, and stop being upset for a short while....

I saved the last bite. I didn't want to eat all of it. I wanted to write my fairy tale while I still remembered it. I kept writing random thoughts that popped up in my head, trying to recall what happened, trying to give myself some validation that everything happened, and it wasn't just a dream...

...I finished my notes and the last of my coffee. I left my coffee there too long and it tasted a bit bitter and sour. I didn't eat the last of my cupcake.

Ever since then, I've been trying to find that cupcake again. I need that cupcake to resurrect me from my flatline. I need that cupcake so that I don’t feel so bitter for a while.

I guess… I need that cupcake to cover up the fact that I still miss you.