Cupcakes

"Oh my God, I made it to Grand Central Station!" I sent this message to him along with a picture. "Look!"

"Good, I'm glad you finally made it..! Did you find your friend?"

"No...! He sent these instructions that I couldn't make any sense of... and... there are so many people here!! And... coming to New York from there is such a culture shock!! Gaaahhh!!!"

"No, the two places are EXACTLY the same. I don't know what you are talking about." He replied sarcastically.

"And then... and then... I got distracted by cupcakes....!!"

"Haha, what's with you and cupcakes?" He laughed.

---

I am actually not quite sure where my fascination with cupcakes began. I don't remember liking sweets that much; not before I went to Japan, and certainly not after, since I got accustomed to Japanese cheesecake and desserts. Even as I grew up, when eating cheesecake was the "hip" thing to do, I never really got into it. I don't think I've ever looked at cake and thought - I need it now.

But somehow, that day, I just stumbled across this little cafe that sold cupcakes. It was cold, and I've been wandering around aimlessly for a while. I just wanted to find a place where I can sit quietly, stare into space, drink some coffee, and scribble some thoughts into my journal.  This place has such cute decor, I thought. Perfect place to write my fairy tale.

I walked in and sat at the most princess-y corner I could find - Yes, Japan has turned me from a tom boy to a girly-girl. I headed over to the counter and saw all these different cupcakes. The only word I recognized from the past few days of staying there was coffee, so that's the one I chose. And I thought, it would probably go well with, well, a cup of coffee.

I hid in the corner with that cupcake and my coffee. My eyes were tired from tears rolling down my face uncontrollably all morning. I realized at that point that I had no appetite. I didn't even want to move. I was flatlined.

Then, I took a bite. It was so sweet.

The sweetness covered up the saltiness of my tears, and the bitterness in my heart. At least, for that short while.

I took another bite. And between my tears, I would smile just a bit. Just enough to make me think of all the fun times I had on this trip, and stop being upset for a short while....

I saved the last bite. I didn't want to eat all of it. I wanted to write my fairy tale while I still remembered it. I kept writing random thoughts that popped up in my head, trying to recall what happened, trying to give myself some validation that everything happened, and it wasn't just a dream...

...I finished my notes and the last of my coffee. I left my coffee there too long and it tasted a bit bitter and sour. I didn't eat the last of my cupcake.

Ever since then, I've been trying to find that cupcake again. I need that cupcake to resurrect me from my flatline. I need that cupcake so that I don’t feel so bitter for a while.

I guess… I need that cupcake to cover up the fact that I still miss you.

痛愛

我未見過一個比我更愛血拼的男生。

其實，他們去布拉格只中一個原因就是為了聖誕購物。聽說他們在挪威東西很貴，基本上在布拉格所有東西都只是他們平常的三分之一，所以其實我們在布拉格幾乎每一天都有去逛街。還有，我發覺他們對自己的打扮要求都蠻高的，而他喜歡看櫬衣。

“喂，這邊是男裝啊！你們女生的在下一層啊！”

“我知道啊，我是逛完了才上來找你的！”

“哈哈，這麼快？”

其實我在樓下逛了半個小時才上來的。“對啊~ 看來我沒有購買欲，哈哈！”

他在挑西裝。試完了後，他走出來給我看。

“怎麼樣啊？”

我想我看起來一定是呆了 – 他也太帥了吧！

朋友說：”又是這個顏色？你太多了吧！”

然後他說：”也對。還是不好了…!”

他對我微笑了一下，但我還是像點了穴的…

接下來，我們走進了一間有5層的鞋店。

“哇~ 我最愛的高跟鞋啊！”

“哪，你就掉下我了嗎？”

“嗯！”我對他做了一個鬼臉，然後便跑掉了。他也好像沒太理我，跟朋友往男裝部去了。到我買完高跟鞋再去找他的時候，他也已經有收穫了。他坐在一個人的沙發上，等其他的朋友。

“幾雙？”

“4雙。你呢？”

我的額頭汗了一下。“我才1雙，你真誇張。”

“沒有啦。你好像好累啊… ”

“對啊，是時差吧。” 想一想，我從日本回家再到布拉格，差不多2個禮拜沒有睡好了。然後來了幾天，每天道到處走，真的有點累。

“過來坐吧..!” 他沒有起來，只是把一半的沙發讓給我了，我也剛剛好能夠坐在他身旁。我撬著他的手，不知不覺在他的肩膊睡了。睡著前，我感覺到他輕輕的親我的額頭。

整天你對我那麼冷淡，為什麼，現在，你又這麼疼我？

巧合 // Coincidence

我們吃完了睌飯以後，從墨西哥餐廳離開。

“看來你還真的不能喝太多！哈哈，臉都紅了…!”

“沒有啦….! 臉是紅了，但是沒有事啊! 你看！我還可以跑直缐！”接著，我就在餐廳外面跑來跑去。

他笑著說：“Ok ok, 我知道了！真沒你辦法。”然後他牽著我，說：“好了，我們跟他們一起走吧！他說有一間 piano bar 氣氛很好，一起去啊！”

“嗯…！”

我們走到往舊城的橋上。在半路上，突然之間，漆黑的天空變成了白色。

“看！這麽多白鴿子從哪裏來的？！”

“我怎麽會知道呢？”

這時候，在河的另外一邊開始放煙火。

我驚訝的說：“嗄~！你看到嗎？好美啊！！”

“有什麽好看啊？只是普通的煙火而已…！”

“哈哈，不是你放給我看的嗎？”

“哈哈，對對。我準備了9點30分放煙火給你看的！哈哈！”

“哪那一群白鴿子也一定是你安排的啦！哈哈！”

“你說是就是吧！等一會兒走到橋的盡頭我還安排了一個穿西裝的人送玫瑰給你啊！哈哈！”

我們看了一會兒煙火，然後走到橋的另外一邊。那裏只看到一個丐子。我們互相對望，便大笑起來。

“看來你被諞啦！哈哈哈~！”

“他媽的，我還給他很多錢呢！”他笑著說。

我把他拉近了，把頭放在他肩膀，繼續跟著他們走。也許一切只是巧合，但這巧合也變成了我的童話。

~~~

We left the mexican restaurant after dinner that night. 

"Hahaha, you really can't drink that much, can you...! You are all red now!"

"No, I'm fine..!! I'm red, but, SEE!! I can RUN in a straight line..!!" I said, as I proceeded to demonstrate by running up and down the sidewalk.

"Ok ok, fine fine fine... I believe you..!" he laughed. "We're going to go to a piano bar with them. Let's go!"

"Mmm!" I nodded, then I held onto him and started following them.




We were walking towards Old Town, and as we were crossing Charles Bridge, the sky suddenly turned white with doves.

"Oh wow! Look! Where did all these doves come from?!?"

"How am I supposed to know?" he chuckled a bit and said.

I looked towards my right, and saw fireworks going off on the other side of the river.

"Oh my god! Look!! FIREWORKS! They're so pretty!!" I said.

"They are just normal fireworks, nothing to be so excited about..!"

"What?! You mean you didn't arrange this for me to see?!" I jokingly questioned.

He rolled his eyes a bit and laughed. "Yes. I told them that we were going to cross the bridge at 9:30 tonight, and they were supposed to put on the fireworks for you."

"Ohhhhh...! Those doves must have been part of your plan too, huh!!" 

"Yes. Aaaannnd I also paid some guy to wear a tuxedo to give you roses by the time we get to the end of the bridge. Haha!"




We watched the fireworks for a bit and then started walking down the bridge again. When we got to the other side, there was only a beggar at the end of the bridge.

We both started laughing. "Looks like you got scammed big time!! Haha!"

"Damnit! I paid him lots of money too, that bastard..!"





I don't know if it was the margarita that made this extra funny, but I just wanted to walk closer next to him. All of this might have been a coincidence, but to me, this coincidence is my fairy tale.

會過去的

回到家裡的第一晚，開始下雪。夜靜無人的晚上顯得更寂寞。失眠的我，對著窗外呆望...啊，鄰家的屋頂，花園，馬路，全都被雪蓋著。

這場雪下來前都沒有什麼先兆。 天文台也好像沒有預測到它的降臨。像他一樣，在我最不為意的時候，走到我的生命。我沒有任何準備，任何防範，走進了這場戀愛。我站在門外看著那瓢雪，感覺到我的心，也在被這場雪抹埋。

---

雪花瓢下來時，真的很美。我伸出雙手，想要接著它，但它在我手心不夠一秒，溶了。一片又一片的雪花瓣在我的手中消失，再也看不見了。

我從地上拾起雪來。我把雙手握緊，想要把它留住。但我手握得越緊，它溶得越快… 無奈的我，唯有繼續呆望，希望天氣寒冷多兩天，當作給依依不捨的我多一些憐憫... 最後，天氣變暖了。雪變成了雨水，把所有一切沖走。

也許，這是我不敢哭的原因。我怕我哭完了，我會不再傷心。我怕我的眼淚會帶走他在我心裡唯一的痕跡...

又或者，他真的像雪一樣，越想捉緊他，他消失得越快... 或者，這一切，真的會過去的...

牽著

我漸漸習慣了每天都牽著他的手。

我們在布拉格開始的。那天我們到 Christmas Market。那裡人真的很多，而且在歐洲人群中，我的個子比較小。別人一推開我，我便看不見他們。當我還在找他們的時候， 我感覺都有一個人抓著我的手，用力的把我拉向他的身旁… 就是這樣，我牽著他，走過布拉格的古城。

布拉格的 Christmas Market

我開始發覺，其實無論我走到那裡，他都無時無刻留意我的。雖然他看起來好像不在乎，但每當我不知不覺放慢腳步東張西望時，抬頭一定會看見他在等我。也有一次，我拍照時突然有一班人在我們中間走過。我遠遠看著他轉身發現我不見了那個擔心的樣子，然後找到我變得輕鬆的樣子，心裡便知道其實他有多緊張我。他向著我走過來，微笑跟我說：“別亂跑了…!” 我也只能夠聽他的，因為我想那一刻我開始愛上了他。

那天晚上，開始下雪了。在布拉格無人的夜景裡只有我們。他看見我覺得冷了，便再牽著我。

我問：”你不要把我放開，好嗎？“

 “我怎會把你放開？”

從此以後，我走到那裡都被他牽著。在那一刻，我相信，我是全世界最幸福的女人。

聚散，分離。

今天我要走了。他上班前輕輕敲我的房門。

“早晨啊… 怎樣了，睡得好嗎…?”

“嗯。” 我微微的點頭。

“那… 我要走了。今天你也要走了。保重啊！”

他怎可以說得那麼輕鬆？我狠狠的望著他的眼睛，努力去找他傷心的證據。他好像發現了，便輕輕的抱了我一下，然後親了我的額頭一下。

“這樣只會令分開更難過。”

12月16號，天空像我的心一樣，都是雨天。

我緊緊的抱著他。我想記住他的暖，他的氣味，那個心跳的感覺… 我想永遠留著這一刻。最後，我還是笑著說：”好吧。那… 希望今天上班不太忙吧！“

---

就是這樣，他轉身便走了。我呆坐在床上，聽著他的腳步聲越來越遠… 他… 真的走了。他把我所有的知覺也帶走了…

我整天的魂魄都不見了… 到我再有知覺的時候，我已經坐在黃昏的車廂內。當火車門關上時，我的心也像被關上了。

其實，這樣的心痛也好。這樣證明我有用心的去愛，我還沒有因為過去的聚散分離而變得麻目。

希望，他也會有一點心痛吧。

海の中道 Uminonakamichi Seaside Park

"Can you please pass me that on the ground?" I said to him, pointing to the box with the paper towels.

"Sure, here you go... Garden."

I kind of froze for a moment. "You.... remember my name...?" I mean, that's probably not the cutest nickname you can come up with for someone, but that's the first time I've heard that... and you definitely needed to remember my name to come up with that.

"And apparently you remembered mine, too. I heard you calling me while you were over there."

Idiot. Then why did you keep walking away?! "Haha. I guess we are even then. Uhm, thanks." I took the box of paper towels from him and turned around. That was the first time I actually looked at this person directly the entire day... Who is this person...?!

I don't know what it was... the way he looked at me, the way he answered, the weather, the sun, the beer... whoever he was, he definitely made my heart skip a beat.

---

Spring has come and gone, and the weather has finally been nice enough for short sleeves and outdoor activities. I have been complaining to my friend about how bored I was, and that we should do something together.

"Sure, how about going on a picnic at Uminonakamichi next weekend?" he said.

"Sounds great!"

Uminonakamichi is an island located north of Fukuoka, between Hakata Bay and Genkai Sea. It is kind of far from the city because you have to go all the way east around the Bay, just to go westbound again to where the island actually is. One nice thing about it though, is that the JR stops directly in front of the park. I took the JR from Hakata Station, and changed trains at Kashii. The whole ride, if I didn't get lost, would take about 40mins.

Station and entrance to the park. I like how it fits the natural theme!

"Hi, I'm at the JR station. Where are you guys?" I called my friend to ask for directions. 

"We are at the middle of the park, in the big field!" he said.

I almost wanted to hang up on her and go home. A field? In the middle of the park?! Surely anyone could give better instructions that this...!

So I looked at the map that was located by the entrance. While there were a million fields in this park, load and behold, there is a big field in the center. "Do you mean "Symphony Garden" near the Ferris wheel?" I ask.

"Yes, that's it! Call me when you get to the Ferris wheel. I will meet you there!"

This park is pretty big...

This park was way bigger than I anticipated. After about 20mins walk to get to the middle of the park, I finally found my friend and his friends. I guess because I was late, I got introduced to everyone, but I didn't really get to know everyone's name... that's when I saw him, just chatting among the boys...

The group of us ended up renting a bicycle and rode around the park. It was 400yen to rent a bike for the day. The only available bikes were mamachari bikes or foldable bikes with a basket in front if it. Apparently, you are prohibited from bringing your own bikes into the park. My guess is that they only want slow bikes with brakes around the park because there are a lot of people (and a lot of kids!!) sometimes. And I guess the baskets were necessary for carrying the food and beer that we brought...

 My ride for the day. And that Ferris wheel.

To go around the main part of the park would probably take about 30mins on a bike. We took about 1.5 hours because we stopped at different places. This park was beautiful. Behind the "field" where we met, was a hill full of these gorgeous blue flowers. 

Across from these hills was zoo with small animals inside. There was a lake with swans you can feed, a couple of different types of monkeys, some wallabies, some donkeys.... and.... cabybaras!

What is a capybara?

"Hi! I am a capybara. Japanese people drew a cute cartoon of me, but this is what I look like in real life."

THAT, is a capybara. I've never heard of these animals before until I came to Japan. Apparently they are the largest rodent on the planet (they were about the size of a golden retriever), so I guess that makes them giant guniea pigs. 

We continued to biked some more and reached the West Exit of the park. The field in this area was surrounded by beds of tulips next to a big lake. We finally decided that this was a good area for us to have our picnic!

I love tulips!

We started eating and drinking in the afternoon. I actually didn't really get to talk to him that much at first; we both engaged in some conversation about our work place and the usual small talk with a group of people, but I didn't talked to him directly. I guess there were enough people around to mingle. Overall though, it was a pretty fun day. 

The park closed at 5:30, so we started packing up around 5 and returned our bikes. I was going to wipe off the tarp before we folded it up, and I saw him with the box. So I followed him...

---

We finally packed up everything. My friend offered to drive us back to Hakata Station in his van, so about 7 of us piled in. I was sitting in the back row in a corner. Everyone was exchanging phone numbers and Facebook contacts.

"Hey, are you on Facebook? You should add me!" I said, trying to be as casual as I can.

"No, not unless we are actual friends. So give me your number." he said.

I tried to hide my smile as best as I could, but by now I am probably blushing like a peach. I called him so my number would show up on his phone, and he added me on Facebook.

Then, all I wanted to do, was to see him again.

今日は太宰府にいってしました！(I went to Dazaifu today!)

After one week of hectic training, finally it's my day off!! My friend and I went to Dazaifu (太宰府) today to check out the local shrine scene. It took about ~20mins or so on the express train from Tenjin, so it was not bad for a Sunday afternoon stroll... ^_^

The street on the way to the Tenmangu Shrine

The place was filled with people getting their blessings for the new year... I'll let my pictures do the talking..!

Tenmango Shrine

Washing my hands before entering the shrine

Priest blessing over people

My fortunes this year..! I'm assuming “吉” is a good sign...! ^_^

People getting their cars blessed

Local specialty at Dazaifu: umegaimochi! (Toasted rice cake with plum and red bean filling) nom nom nom...

I'm going to be at my hotel for a couple more days, then I move into my apartment on Wednesday. I was talking to my friend (who is training with me right now), and we agree that it still seems like this is temporary because we are staying in a hotel and not actually working at our own schools yet. This is all going to change this week, so hopefully I will adjust well... Looking forward to (finally) settling in Japan...! I'm super excited!!!

Chat with you all soon =)