"Oh my God, I made it to Grand Central Station!" I sent
this message to him along with a picture. "Look!"
"Good, I'm glad you finally made
it..! Did you find your friend?"
"No...! He sent these instructions
that I couldn't make any sense of... and... there are so many people here!!
And... coming to New York from there is such a culture shock!! Gaaahhh!!!"
"No, the two places are EXACTLY the
same. I don't know what you are talking about." He replied sarcastically.
"And then... and then... I got
distracted by cupcakes....!!"
"Haha, what's with you and
cupcakes?" He laughed.
---
I am actually not quite sure where my
fascination with cupcakes began. I don't remember liking sweets that much; not
before I went to Japan, and certainly not after, since I got accustomed to
Japanese cheesecake and desserts. Even as I grew up, when eating cheesecake was
the "hip" thing to do, I never really got into it. I don't think I've
ever looked at cake and thought - I need it now.
But somehow, that day, I just stumbled
across this little cafe that sold cupcakes. It was cold, and I've been
wandering around aimlessly for a while. I just wanted to find a place where I
can sit quietly, stare into space, drink some coffee, and scribble some
thoughts into my journal. This place has such cute decor, I thought. Perfect place to write my fairy
tale.
I walked in and sat at the most princess-y
corner I could find - Yes, Japan
has turned me from a tom boy to a girly-girl. I headed over to the counter and
saw all these different cupcakes. The only word I recognized from the past few
days of staying there was coffee, so that's the one I chose. And I thought, it
would probably go well with, well, a cup of coffee.
I hid in the corner with that cupcake and
my coffee. My eyes were tired from tears rolling down my face uncontrollably
all morning. I realized at that point that I had no appetite. I didn't even
want to move. I was flatlined.
Then, I took a bite. It was so sweet.
The sweetness covered up the saltiness of
my tears, and the bitterness in my heart. At least, for that short while.
I took another bite. And between my tears,
I would smile just a bit. Just enough to make me think of all the fun times I
had on this trip, and stop being upset for a short while....
I saved the last bite. I didn't want to
eat all of it. I wanted to write my fairy tale while I still remembered it. I
kept writing random thoughts that popped up in my head, trying to recall what
happened, trying to give myself some validation that everything happened, and
it wasn't just a dream...
...I finished my notes and the last of my
coffee. I left my coffee there too long and it tasted a bit bitter and sour. I
didn't eat the last of my cupcake.
Ever since then, I've been trying to find
that cupcake again. I need that cupcake to resurrect me from my flatline. I
need that cupcake so that I don’t feel so bitter for a while.
I guess… I need that cupcake to cover up the fact that I still miss you.
